Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
