literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize