Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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