I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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