16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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