i don't like sucking hair
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
