u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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