I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
