i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
