Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I understand Curling. That high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
