The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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