Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
