Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
