We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
