You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
