U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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