You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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