my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
