My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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