Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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