How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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