We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can I color on your dick again?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
