Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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