he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
