God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
try to milk me bitch
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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