I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
