STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
love makes seman taste better
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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