Don't you send me to vm
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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