my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
