He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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