I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
