smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
