I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
