Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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