Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
