SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
