There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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