Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
