wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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