I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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