You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Semen is not good for contacts.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
