i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
