he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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