I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
