Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Im part way to drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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