WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
