Im at strip club and am horny
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
