just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
