What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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