So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
