all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
