Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
