Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
