I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
