took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
