just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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