isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
