when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
