my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
