She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
