i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
