I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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