Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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