I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
