im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
