I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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