I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
