Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
